nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
