She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
