She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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