I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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