I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
