2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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