I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
