I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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