That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
