I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
