I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize