are you still at the devil's house?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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