Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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