god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
