I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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