drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
