Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
