this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
