at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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