Im at strip club and am horny
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
