im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
