I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
