Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
