he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
These tits shall not be calmed
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
