Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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