Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
How does it feel to date your dad?
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