wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
