atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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