You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
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