im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
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Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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