ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
