whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
