whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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