I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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