I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
