It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
