I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
When did angry sex become our thing?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
