that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
