Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Randomize
