Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
