What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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