I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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