Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
