a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
