i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
