Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
