Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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