i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
