1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
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so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
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I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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