You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
