Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
