Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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