i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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