My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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